Simple (and Mildly Inaccurate) Valentine’s Day Mochi Recipe
Looking for a way to sweeten up your Valentine’s Day? Ditch the typical heart-shaped box of chocolates, skip the big stupid teddy bear that nobody wants, and try something new! Impress your boo thing with homemade mochi!
You’ll need
- Glutinous Rice Flour
- 2 ½ cups sugar
- 1 cup water
- Potato starch (good luck finding that, whatever the hell it is)
- Food coloring (optional, but not really because nobody wants to eat your pale white dusty jelly cubes)
- 4 hours worth of patience
- Preferably a kitchen space of some sort
Directions
Step 1: Mix glutinous rice flour and sugar in a bowl
Step 2: Add water and mix thoroughly.
Step 3: Put the mixture in a microwavable bowl. Cover with plastic wrap. Microwave for 4 minutes.
Step 4: Congratulate yourself. You’ve got halfway through making a random Japanese rice candy hybrid for your occasionally unappreciative jerkoff of a male counterpart who would undoubtedly rather split a ziplock baggie of Mini Chips Ahoy to celebrate your love-filled union.
Step 5: Dust the mixture with potato starch. Oh, you couldn’t find that potato starch at your local grocery store? That’s fine. Actually, any type of powder will work to prevent sticking. Baby powder, foot odor powder, it’s all fine.
Step 5 1/2: This step is optional, but since you’re so clearly dedicated, you might as well go the extra mile and fill your mochi with something. Chances are, if you opted to dust them with some third-party powder (see step 5), you’ll need to fill them with something both edible and nontoxic to balance it all out.
Step 6: Some people like to fill their mochi with red bean paste, but it’s widely agreed upon within the culinary community that red bean paste is simply not a thing. Go with what you know, ice cream or chocolate will do.
And that’s it! You’re all done! Happy Valentine’s Day!
DISCLAIMER **Mochee does not ACTUALLY recommend you serve this completely inedible concoction to ANYONE EVER**
-Chef Lay
